I happen to appreciate butterflies. I am in awe of the idea that these fragile, ethereal, delicate creatures travel thousands and thousands of miles on their journey. They are, for me, a symbol of strength, determination, and faith.
So, I plant butterfly bushes in my yard where I can. They bloom all summer long and attract butterflies, other pollinators, and hummingbirds.
This past Friday, overnight, the butterfly bushes in the yard burst into bloom. I went outside to admire them and was thrilled to discover that a yellow swallowtail had discovered that dinner was available in my yard.
As I approached the bush to take a closer look at this beautiful creature, I was stunned by what I saw: nearly one quarter of one wing was missing! I moved around the bush to see if the angle of the light was creating an illusion. It was not – clearly this little creature had a story to tell.
And that thought stopped me. This little wounded warrior was fluttering around the bush, just like all the other butterflies. It moved from flower to flower with ease and grace, clearly having adapted to navigating with part of its wing gone. From its behavior and flight, you would never know it had a damaged wing.
I smiled when it registered that I was in the presence of “radical acceptance”. This little butterfly – for all the trauma it had survived – had clearly learned to transcend its wounds and live a seemingly successful butterfly life.
And my next thoughts was: “how grateful am I that the 12 step rooms brought me to that same place. Living life to the fullest, accepting the trauma of my past as trauma of my past, and investing in adapting however necessary to build a meaningful life in spite of what happened to me.”
I am grateful that Steps 4 through 9 illuminate where our lives are out of alignment with acceptance. How we fight to re-litigate old harms – as if carrying them forward in our lives will somehow change the past. How we coat ourselves in self-pity hoping someone will come and save us from ourselves. How we lose sight of the truth that life is about what we make of it, not just what happened to us.
The presence of that little Swallowtail in my yard was a powerful reminder for me. Watching the grace with which he was comporting himself – in spite of the journey he had survived – reminded me of where I need to be in my own life: radical acceptance of life on life’s terms.
Today 